Becoming a mom is overwhelming. Between the physical changes to your body, sleepless nights, shifting hormones, and the 24/7 demands of caring for a new baby, it is a challenging time for nearly all women.
Need a break? Of course you do!
From Bump to Baby is brought to you by The Pregnancy & Parenting Center.
When I became a mom, one of the most daunting thoughts was that I’d never be alone again. For me, postpartum depression (PPD) had this introvert dreading the seemingly never-ending demands of motherhood. It was terrifying to think I’d never have another moment of “me time.”
Fortunately, as I worked through treating my PPD, those fears began to fade. I learned that needing time alone didn’t mean I loved my daughter any less. I also learned when and how to ask for personal time—and that taking care of myself actually helped me be more present when I returned to caring for my baby.
Before motherhood, “me time” might have meant an afternoon of shopping, a leisurely dinner with friends, a long workout, or curling up with a book for hours. After a baby arrives, you may need to redefine what personal time looks like.
Sometimes, 20 peaceful minutes with a cup of coffee counts. And sometimes, that’s exactly what you need.
Here are a few ways to find—and enjoy—those little pockets of time.
Ask for Help
Above all else, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need a break.
Whether it’s your partner, a trusted friend, a family member, or paid help, there may be people available to step in and help care for your child when you need time to recharge.
And you don’t necessarily need an elaborate reason to ask for help. You don’t have to be sick, have an appointment, or be completely exhausted before you deserve a break.
Sometimes you simply need an hour when nobody needs anything from you.
If someone you trust says, “Can I hold the baby for a while?” consider saying yes.
Take a Shower
This sounds almost laughably simple until you have a newborn.
It was always a chore to get myself into the shower, but I never, ever regretted it once I was standing under the warm water and washing off the day’s exhaustion.
A shower can become a small reset button. Put on clean clothes afterward, brush your hair, moisturize your skin—whatever makes you feel a little more like yourself.
It doesn’t need to become a complicated self-care routine. Sometimes ten uninterrupted minutes behind a closed bathroom door feels downright luxurious.
Decide What You Need—and Block Out the Guilt
When family members would visit and hold my daughter, they’d encourage me to shower or nap. Those were kind suggestions, but sometimes those things weren’t what made me feel better.
Folding a load of laundry without interruption, running the vacuum, or tidying up a messy corner of the room helped me unwind and feel more in control.
And that’s okay.
If a nap is what you need, take one. If you want to fold a load of laundry while listening to your favorite podcast, fold it. If you want to sit on the couch and scroll through your phone for 20 minutes, that’s okay, too.
Self-care doesn’t have to look like bubble baths and spa days. It simply means recognizing what helps you recharge.
Take Advantage of Your Baby’s Naps
“When baby sleeps, sleep.”
It’s probably one of the most common pieces of advice given to new moms—and sometimes it is excellent advice.
But sometimes it isn’t what you need.
When baby sleeps, sleep. Or clean the bathroom. Or read a book. Watch an episode of your favorite show. Call your best friend. Sit outside. Work on a hobby. Eat something without simultaneously bouncing a baby.
Don’t let pressure—or social media—tell you what you’re supposed to do with every free moment.
You work hard while your baby is awake. Spend some of naptime doing whatever helps you feel refreshed.
Go on Walks—with or Without Your Baby
Fresh air and a change of scenery can feel wonderful when you’ve been spending a lot of time at home.
Put your baby in the stroller and head outside. Your baby may fall asleep while you walk, giving you a little quiet time even though you’re technically still on mom duty.
Listen to a podcast or audiobook. Call a loved one. Play your favorite music. Or leave the earbuds at home and simply enjoy the sounds around you.
And if someone you trust can watch the baby, you might occasionally take that walk alone.
The goal isn’t necessarily exercise. It’s giving yourself a change of pace and a chance to breathe.
Find Other Moms
Motherhood can feel surprisingly lonely—especially during those early months when so much of your day revolves around feeding schedules, diaper changes, naps, and trying to figure out what your baby needs.
Find other moms who understand.
Meet for stroller walks. Have coffee while your babies play on blankets. Text each other during middle-of-the-night feedings. Make a pact to help one another when somebody desperately needs a break.
Most importantly, be honest.
You don’t have to pretend everything is wonderful all the time. Sometimes hearing another mom say, “I’m exhausted, too,” can be enormously comforting.
Stay Up a Little Later—or Wake Up Earlier
This one is tough for me because I love sleep!
And sleep is incredibly important, especially during the exhausting newborn stage. Don’t sacrifice rest just to squeeze more activities into your day.
But once you’re getting enough sleep, you may discover that a little quiet time before everyone wakes up—or after everyone goes to bed—feels wonderful.
When I bank a solid seven or eight hours and then score a little alone time in the morning before the household wakes up, I always feel refreshed.
Drink your coffee while it’s actually hot. Read. Pray. Journal. Sit on the porch. Watch the news.
You don’t have to accomplish anything.
Sometimes the beauty of alone time is simply that nobody needs you for a few minutes.
Remember Your Interests
Becoming a mom changes you, but it doesn’t erase everything you enjoyed before your baby arrived.
Maybe you loved photography, gardening, crafting, running, cooking, reading, music, volunteering, or meeting friends for coffee.
You may not have as much time for those things right now—and that’s understandable. But try not to abandon them completely.
Start small.
Read ten pages of a book. Spend half an hour working on a craft. Plant some flowers. Meet a friend for coffee while someone watches the baby.
Those little pieces of your pre-baby life can remind you that motherhood is an important part of who you are—but it doesn’t have to be the only part.
Pay Attention to How You’re Feeling
There is a difference between needing a break from the demands of motherhood and feeling persistently hopeless, panicked, disconnected, or unable to cope.
Postpartum depression and other perinatal mental health conditions are treatable. If difficult feelings are intense, persist, or interfere with daily life, talk with your healthcare provider.
You can also learn more about postpartum depression and available support through Postpartum Support International or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, which offers free, confidential support for pregnant and postpartum moms.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis or is in immediate danger, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Asking for help is an important part of taking care of yourself and your family.
Redefining “Me Time”
It can feel scary—or simply strange—to take time away from your baby, especially in the beginning. During those first few months, parenting can feel all-consuming because, in many ways, it is.
But little by little, you begin finding your rhythm.
Remembering to occasionally invest in your hobbies, spend a little time alone, nurture your friendships, and take care of your own needs can help bridge the sometimes lonely transition into motherhood.
And someday, your child will be watching you.
They’ll see that Mom loves them fiercely while also maintaining friendships, enjoying hobbies, asking for help, resting when she needs to, and taking care of herself.
That’s a pretty wonderful lesson to teach.
The Pregnancy & Parenting Center is a place for families to receive support and resources as they make life-affirming decisions and build stronger families. All services are provided at no cost.