An abbreviated version of article originally appeared on the Newsymom social site.
Becoming a mother completely changed my life. I think every single mom can relate. Motherhood is bound to bring chaos, but if you can see through it, there’s unlimited beauty in our role as “Mom,” too.
Do I always, no matter the circumstance or behavior, love my daughter? Yes. Absolutely yes.
Do I always love being a mom?
No way.
And I think we need to be able to say that out loud.
You can love your babies more than anything in the world and still feel like you’re drowning in the chaos of motherhood. You can be grateful for your family and still desperately want 20 minutes when nobody needs you. You can cherish your children while also wondering how one tiny human can create THAT MUCH LAUNDRY.
Both things can be true.
Instagram might be perfectly edited and framed, but our lives are not. Real motherhood includes messy kitchens, forgotten appointments, sleepless nights, Cheerios in places Cheerios should never be, and children who somehow need you the second you sit down.
So how can you find joy in something that seems so imperfect?
First and Foremost, You Are Not Alone, Mama
Motherhood is tough.
If you have a tiny baby, you’re likely dealing with no sleep and lots of hormones. You may be trying to figure out feeding and sleeping schedules while simultaneously trying to remember the last time you ate or showered.
If your kids are toddler or school-age, you’re likely dealing with big feels, unruly emotions, endless questions, and random tantrums. Sometimes the tantrums are theirs. Sometimes they’re yours. No judgment here.
If you’re the mother of a teen?
God bless you.
I’m not there yet and not prepared for that stage.
Regardless of where you’re at and who you’re raising, you are not alone and It. Is. Hard.
One more time for those in the back:
IT IS HARD.
And admitting that motherhood is difficult doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate your children. It simply means you’re human.
So How Do We Enjoy Motherhood More?
I’m sure you’ve had those incredible moments: the first time your baby said “mama,” those beginning steps, the unexpected hug, the handmade card, or the sleepy little “I love you” at bedtime.
Those moments are magical.
But what can we do to make an ordinary Tuesday feel a little better? How do we find joy when nobody is reaching an adorable milestone and instead somebody spilled milk, somebody can’t find a shoe, and you’re already late?
Can we make every day a good day?
OK, maybe not every day.
But we can make more room for the good.
It sounds cliché, but a lot of it comes down to perspective.
Yes, the days are long. Sleep can be elusive. Kids are w.i.l.d.
But you are tough. You are loved. And you were made to be these little humans’ mom.
No one loves or needs you quite like your kids do—and while that may feel overwhelming at times, it really is so special.
There’s not much I can do about the chaos, but here are some things that have helped me find more joy in motherhood and everyday family life.
Stop Comparing Your Life to Everyone Else
Seriously.
If mommy bloggers and Instagram influencers are making you feel bad with their neutral décor, spotless kitchens, color-coordinated children, and perfectly planned outings, stop looking at them!
You don’t have to like, subscribe, and follow.
You can unplug, unfollow, and un-care.
I’ll be honest: I had to stop watching Joanna Gaines and her perfectly manicured family when I first had my daughter—and my mental health improved.
Your home does not need to look like a magazine spread. Your children do not need coordinated outfits. Birthday parties do not require balloon arches. Lunches do not need to be cut into woodland creatures.
Sometimes a peanut butter sandwich on a paper plate is just fine.
The goal isn’t to create a childhood that photographs beautifully. It’s to create one that feels loved.
Include Your Kiddos in Everyday Life
Kids don’t necessarily need elaborate entertainment all the time. Sometimes they just want to be with you.
Let them help make dinner. Give your toddler a towel and let them “clean.” Have your child match socks while you fold laundry. Let them stir the pancake batter, water the flowers, or help carry groceries.
Will everything take longer?
Probably.
Will they do it perfectly?
Absolutely not.
But ordinary tasks can become opportunities to talk, laugh, learn, and spend time together.
Relax a little about getting everything done perfectly and enjoy the little person who wants to do it with you.
Put Your Phone Down
This one is hard.
I don’t know about you, but when I mindlessly scroll, it’s often because I’m trying to mentally check out for a few minutes.
The problem? Sometimes I end up feeling more anxious.
Five minutes becomes 20. Suddenly I’m comparing my house, parenting, appearance, vacations, career, marriage, meals, and life to dozens of other people.
Try intentionally putting your phone somewhere else for a while.
Sit on the floor. Play a game. Take a walk. Color together. Ask your kids ridiculous questions.
And notice them.
Sometimes joy is already happening right in front of us—we’re just distracted.
Figure Out What Fills Your Cup
What makes you feel like you again?
Not Mom. Not employee. Not wife. Not chauffeur, snack provider, laundry specialist, appointment scheduler, or finder of all missing objects.
You.
Maybe you need consistent sleep. Maybe it’s exercise, reading, coffee with a friend, a creative hobby, prayer, a long bath, time outside, or simply being completely alone for an hour.
Identify the things that make you feel refreshed and rejuvenated, and make them a priority when you can.
Taking care of yourself isn’t taking something away from your children. A mom who has opportunities to recharge has more to give.
Practice Gratitude
You don’t need a fancy gratitude journal—although you can certainly use one if that’s your thing.
Just start noticing the good.
Your toddler’s hilarious mispronunciation.
The smell of your baby after a bath.
Your child reaching for your hand.
Everyone laughing around the dinner table.
A quiet cup of coffee before the house wakes up.
A bedtime story you’ve read 700 times.
These things seem ordinary now, but someday they’ll be memories.
You don’t have to love every moment to recognize that some moments are worth holding onto.
Remember: Your Kids Are Still Learning
This has helped me tremendously.
Babies are figuring everything out.
Toddlers are learning about their very BIG emotions and how to interact with other humans.
School-age kids are learning independence, responsibility, friendships, and boundaries.
Teens are trying to figure out who they are while navigating relationships, expectations, and a rapidly changing world.
Sometimes what looks like “bad behavior” is really a child who doesn’t yet have the skills to handle what they’re feeling.
That doesn’t mean we eliminate boundaries or expectations. It simply means we can approach those moments with a little more patience.
When you remind yourself that your kids are learning and growing at their own pace, it becomes a little easier to have grace for their growing brains and bodies.
And while we’re talking about grace?
Save some for yourself, too.
You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Mom
Being a mom is not easy, but it’s much harder when you forget to invest in yourself.
You’re not going to get it right every time.
You’re going to lose your patience occasionally. You’ll forget something important. Dinner will sometimes come from a drive-thru. The laundry will pile up. You may hide in the bathroom for five minutes because you just need everybody to stop saying “Mom.”
And sometimes you may feel like you’re drowning in the chaos.
But the chaos isn’t the whole story.
There are belly laughs and bedtime cuddles. Tiny hands in yours. Inside jokes. First words and first days of school. Kitchen dance parties. Family traditions. Unexpected hugs. Ordinary afternoons that somehow become treasured memories.
Motherhood isn’t beautiful because it’s perfect.
It’s beautiful because it isn’t.
There is no better mom for your kids than you. And you deserve to experience joy, relief, laughter, and grace in the midst of the motherhood chaos.
So forget perfect.
Put down the phone. Let the dishes wait sometimes. Take care of yourself. Hug your babies.
And when today is one of those days when absolutely nothing goes right?
Tomorrow, we try again.