Hey, parents of little movers and shakers!
When your tot hits the “Terrible Twos,” it can sometimes feel like your sweet little angel has been replaced by a pint-sized rebel with a very loud cause. Suddenly, the wrong color cup can trigger tears, leaving the playground can become an international crisis, and cutting a sandwich the “wrong” way may result in a level of outrage you never knew was possible.
But don’t fret! Toddler tantrums can certainly test your patience, but they’re also a normal part of growing up. With a little understanding, a few helpful strategies, and plenty of patience, you can navigate those big emotions with the confidence of a seasoned pro.
And believe it or not, these challenging moments can actually become opportunities to help your child develop skills they’ll use for years to come.
Understanding the Tantrum Territory
First, know that tantrums are a normal part of toddler development. Your little one is beginning to experience some very big emotions without always having the language or self-control to express them.
Think about how frustrating that must be!
Your toddler knows they want the toy, the snack, another story, or five more minutes at the playground. They may understand exactly what they want but not know how to explain it — or how to cope when the answer is no.
Sometimes a tantrum is your toddler’s way of saying, “Hey, I’m overwhelmed here!”
Hunger, fatigue, overstimulation and changes in routine can make tantrums more likely, too. Paying attention to patterns can help you anticipate some meltdowns before they begin.
Of course, you won’t prevent every tantrum — and that’s okay. When the storm arrives, these 10 strategies can help.
1. Stay Cool
When a tantrum hits, your first instinct might be to match your toddler’s volume. Instead, try to keep your own emotions under control.
Take a breath, lower your voice and remind yourself that your child is still learning.
Your calmness can help soothe your child’s storm. It also demonstrates something important: Big emotions don’t have to mean losing control.
You can be calm while still maintaining a boundary.
“I know you really want that candy. We aren’t buying candy today.”
You don’t have to win an argument with a 2-year-old. Your goal is simply to remain steady while the emotion passes.
2. Acknowledge Feelings
Sometimes toddlers need to know that we understand what they’re trying to communicate.
Try putting their feelings into words:
“I see you’re upset because you can’t have the toy.”
“You’re sad because it’s time to leave Grandma’s house.”
“You’re angry because your block tower fell down.”
Acknowledging an emotion doesn’t mean changing the rule or giving your child what they want. It simply communicates, “I hear you.”
Over time, hearing you name emotions can also help your toddler learn how to identify those feelings themselves.
3. Distraction Can Be Your Friend
Toddlers can become intensely focused on something one minute — and completely fascinated by something else the next.
Use that short attention span to your advantage!
If you sense a meltdown beginning, try shifting your toddler’s attention.
“Look at that dog outside! Can you see what color its collar is?”
Or turn a difficult transition into a little game:
“Can you hop like a bunny all the way to the car?”
Distraction tends to work best before your child reaches the peak of a tantrum. Once they’re completely overwhelmed, they may need time to calm down before they’re ready to redirect their attention.
4. Offer Choices
Toddlers are discovering that they are independent people with their own opinions. That’s exciting — but it can also explain why “NO!” suddenly becomes one of their favorite words.
Giving your toddler simple choices can provide an appropriate sense of control.
“Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue one?”
“Do you want apple slices or a banana?”
“Would you like this book or that book before bedtime?”
The key is offering two choices that are both acceptable to you.
Instead of asking, “Do you want to get dressed?” when getting dressed isn’t optional, let your child choose which outfit to wear.
They get some independence. You still get everyone out the door!
5. Keep Routines Consistent
Toddlers thrive on predictability. Knowing what happens next helps their world feel a little more manageable.
Whenever possible, maintain fairly consistent routines for waking up, meals, naps, playtime and bedtime.
Transitions can be particularly difficult for toddlers, so give them a little advance warning.
“We can play for five more minutes, and then it’s time to put the toys away.”
You might even use a song or simple ritual to signal regular transitions, such as a cleanup song before lunch or the same bedtime routine each evening.
Life with little ones will never run perfectly according to schedule, but a little consistency can go a long way.
6. Praise Good Behavior
When your toddler is behaving well, let them know you notice!
Catch them being good and offer specific praise:
“I love how you asked for help so nicely!”
“Thank you for sharing with your sister.”
“You were frustrated, but you used your words. Great job!”
Specific praise helps children understand exactly which behavior you want to encourage.
It can be easy to give most of our attention to children when something goes wrong. Intentionally noticing positive behavior helps shift some of that attention toward what’s going right.
7. Try a “Time-In”
Instead of automatically sending a struggling toddler away to calm down, consider staying close and helping them work through the emotion.
You might sit together and say, “Let’s calm down together.”
Keep your words simple. A toddler in the middle of a full-blown meltdown probably isn’t ready for a lengthy explanation about appropriate behavior.
Sometimes your quiet presence is enough.
Once your child is calm, you can briefly talk about what happened.
“You were really mad when it was time to put the truck away. Next time, you can say, ‘I’m mad.’”
These little conversations help build emotional skills over time.
8. Teach Words for Big Feelings
One of the best long-term ways to help with tantrums is to give your toddler the words they need to communicate.
Start simple:
Mad.
Sad.
Happy.
Scared.
Tired.
Frustrated.
You can practice identifying emotions during everyday life, not just during tantrums.
A character in a book looks sad? Talk about it.
Your child is excited to see Grandma? Name it.
“Wow! You look so happy and excited!”
As your toddler develops a bigger emotional vocabulary, they gradually gain another way to express themselves besides screaming, crying or throwing themselves dramatically onto the nearest floor.
Progress!
9. Stay Patient — With Your Toddler and Yourself
Toddlerhood can be exhausting.
There will be days when you handle a tantrum beautifully. There will probably also be days when you find yourself counting the minutes until bedtime.
Give yourself some grace.
Your toddler isn’t going to learn emotional regulation overnight. In fact, learning how to manage emotions is something humans continue working on throughout childhood — and sometimes adulthood!
Your job isn’t to be a perfect parent. It’s to keep teaching, modeling, loving and trying again.
Remember, this phase won’t last forever. Your patience now is an investment in your child’s emotional growth.
And when things don’t go perfectly? Tomorrow brings another opportunity.
10. Know When to Seek Support
While tantrums are a common part of toddlerhood, parents know their children best.
If your child’s tantrums seem unusually intense, happen very frequently, last for extended periods, involve your child hurting themselves or others, or simply leave you concerned about their development or behavior, reach out for guidance.
Your pediatrician can be a great place to start and can help determine whether additional support from a child development specialist would be helpful.
Asking questions isn’t overreacting. Parenting comes with plenty of uncertainty, and you don’t have to figure everything out by yourself.
You’ve Got This!
The “Terrible Twos” don’t have to be so terrible.
In fact, try thinking of them as the Terrific Twos — a fascinating season when your little one is discovering independence, developing a personality, learning new words and figuring out how this great big world works.
Yes, there will be tantrums.
There will probably be tears.
There may even be an occasional public meltdown when you’d really rather disappear behind the nearest grocery store display.
But there will also be hugs, belly laughs, new words, funny observations, growing independence and countless little moments you’ll wish you could bottle up and keep forever.
With patience, consistency and plenty of love, you can help your toddler learn that feelings are okay — and that there are healthy ways to express them.
So when the next toddler storm rolls in, take a breath, stay calm and remember: You’re not just surviving a tantrum. You’re helping a little person learn how to handle some very big feelings.
And someday, sooner than you think, those “Terrible Twos” will be a memory.
After all, they won’t be little forever.
Sources
Originally published by Newsymom.
American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org. “Temper Tantrums.”